Forgiveness is an Illusion of Empathy

Say the words, I forgive you. It’s easy to convince yourself that you have, because you have said it countless times before. That phrase lingers daintily after heated arguments and broken hearts.

Can you really? Is it truly possible to sit face to face with the person that has wronged, lied, hurt or done things that caused you to question your own humanity and believe it?

For most people I would say, no. In order to access these feelings, you have to have a sense of peace that mirrors a monk. Their is certainly power behind emotion that moves us in ways we don’t always understand. In order to truly forgive, you are admitting to yourself that you can live with it; the hurt and the pain without constantly mustering feelings of animosity.

We often give ourselves too much credit and hold pride in trying to be emotionally elevated. In reality, very few people are equipped to deal with the emotional maturity that it takes to forgive someone.

If the person responsible for the event evokes extreme feelings in you, it will be nearly impossible to separate them from said event. You have to make peace with the person, in light of their indiscretions to move past whatever it is that hurt you.

For example: relationships that have dealt with infidelity, tend to circle endlessly around the cheating because the jilted lover hasn’t truly forgiven the person. The actions that resulted in the confrontation are long gone, but the semblance still remains.

The pressure to move on from situations and deal with them in a timely matter is a condition of society. Holding anger in any situation too long can get you labeled bitter, petty or just incapable of letting the past go. So, in order to side step the labels most people rather pretend.

It’s easier to rise to higher elevations by faking the healing, rather than actually taking the time needed to sew up the wounds. Friends and family will undoubtedly come to give you the proverbial pat on the back for taking the high road and finally getting over it.

If forgiveness doesn’t work for you, that’s okay too. Maybe in certain situations, it’s okay to deduce that some aren’t meant to be forgiven. For everyone else, we will run the mill and before you know it, that phrase will be ready to surface again.

…Before you say those words again, have you convinced yourself?


This post originally appeared on Medium